Masks We Wear
by Midnight Chrysanthemum
Summary: A series reflecting on one offshoot of the Medabots series where nothing is as it seems and everyone hides their true, darkest feelings behind a mask.
1. Mask of Innocence

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First things first, people, let's cover the big warning: this series is going to contain all sorts of couplings. I mean not only boys crushing on girls and girls crushing on boys, but boys crushing on boys and girls crushing on girls. There's gonna be 'straight' couples (what's the Japanese term for that, anyway?) shonen-ai, and – like in the following section – shoujo-ai. You don't like, then please, please, please don't read. And if you don't like and do read anyway, then do us all a favor and don't flame. You'll just look silly for ignoring the warnings, and nobody wants that, do we?

Now that we've got that covered, here's the next disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Medabots. If I did own the rights to Medabots, then we'd have gotten all the episodes, in order, instead having some cut out then tagged on the end in some random order and the World Robattle Tournament pushed back as a shorter second season instead of the big season finale.

Again, I'm warning you that this will contain couplings of all sorts, and that this part happens to have a girl in love with a girl. This is your last chance to back out without risking damage to your precious closed mind with a coupling that's not so readily accepted. If you do choose to stay, feel free to make comments once you're finished using the review feature if you're so inclined. I've got a whole bunch of these in the planning stages.

~ * Mask of Innocence * ~

I'm forcing a smile again, not wanting – not daring – to disappoint my admirers. As always, my mere arrival on the scene has caused the brains of the majority of the young males in the immediate vicinity to shut down and devote all resources to one single, overriding activity.

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[ALERT: KARIN HAS ENTERED THE AREA. IMPRESS. CHARM. WOO. WRAP AROUND LITTLE FINGER.]

It certainly seems that there is some silent command that is triggered every time I come within sight of any boy about my age. It doesn't take long for them to gravitate to my side, swarming like flies, jockeying for position.

As always, my trio of ardent admirers is present: Ikki, Koji and Rintaro. I can see that the first pair of those boys was on the verge of yet another robattle when I arrived: their medabots were facing each other, and now both are turning away, looking annoyed. Sumilidon is a lot better at hiding his emotions than his would-be opponent, yet I notice a certain frustration in his demeanor as he lets his clawed gauntlet fall against the ground, absently scratching tiny furrows in the concrete. Metabee is much more open about his displeasure: he narrows his verdant eyes at his medafighter, disgust practically radiating from his metal body. For once, he doesn't say a word, however.

It doesn't matter. I've heard his complaints over Ikki's behavior around me before.

I keep the pasted-on smile and greet them equally, in turn, then watch in smiling silence as they squabble over the order in which I named them. Believe me, if there was a way I could speak their names at the exact same moment so that they could not find another 'clue' as to who I 'love' more, I would. Anything to save the pain of another pointless argument.

Out of the corner of one bright, falsely shining eye, I glimpse your pained expression, as for an instant your heart and soul crumbles at the sight of your love vying for another's attentions. You quickly recover, as you always have, trading the expression of battered love for one of annoyance, and mutter a disparaging comment underneath your breath.

I feel myself die a little more at the muted whisper. Once again, it is about me, not really intended for anyone else's ears, but hurtful all the same. An insult, hissed wonderment that any girl could be so doted upon and remain so clueless and naïve about the feelings of her suitors.

I make the cheery smile remain, however. If I were to let it falter for even a second, I fear a minor riot would break out among my three most vocal admirers over who caused it to slip.

Yes, I am fully aware of their intentions. I am not as innocent and unknowledgeable as I pass myself off to be at times. I know that my dear friends Koji, Rintaro and Ikki have crushes on me and want nothing more than for me to choose one of them as my boyfriend.

And that is exactly why I feign ignorance.

I care about them, of course, but only as friends. There can be nothing more, as I feel nothing more for them. I have developed the sort of feelings they want me to have, but not for any of them. I doubt it would go over well with anyone if I revealed whom I have come to care for above all others to them.

What hurts the most is that the one I've come to love has the most reason to reject me, the most reason to recoil in disgust if she found out.

It's not considered natural for a girl to have these sorts of feelings for another girl. I know that all too well.

You're very observant. You have to be, for your chosen dream profession. So I'm certain that you've noticed how much time I spend with my uncle.

Dear, sweet Uncle Aki… He's one of the few people who both knows my secret and accepts it without question. While I'm certain he would much prefer it if I happened to take a fancy to one of his up-and-coming prodigies, he doesn't try to force some guy on me… I wish I could say the same about my parents.

Oh, if only you could have witnessed the frightful tizzy they worked themselves into when it dawned on them that their sweet, perfect daughter might possibly have… _abhorrent desires._ It just wasn't… _right,_ wasn't… _classy_ to have a child with any feelings other than the accepted norm.

I don't believe you would know this, but there used to be a charming young girl the same age as me who attended several of the same classes at our private school. She was peppy, outgoing, compassionate, and had the most beautiful raven ponytail that bounced whenever she giggled. Something about her drew me closer than any boy had ever had before, stirred feelings that were just beginning to form in my heart.

I made the mistake of inviting her to my tenth birthday party. Mother and Father didn't like what they saw between us. I suppose I glanced her way one too many times, smiled too genuinely while talking to her a bit too much. Something must have tipped them off that I was crushing a little on my classmate.

After all the guests left, they confronted me with their suspicions. Again, I made a horrible mistake: I confessed how I felt when she was around, the wonderful giddy feelings she stirred deep within my heart, how much I enjoyed her company.

The next day, I had to stay home from school. The official excuse was that I had become ill, and I suppose my parents did honestly believe that I had to be sick if I was feeling that way about another girl. Really, however, the only thing I was suffering from was the angry red welts on my cheeks and back, and the despair and confusion welling in my chest whenever I recalled their outraged screaming.

I didn't get to return to school until the next week. By then my parents had taken care of the situation completely and deemed it safe for my return.

Perhaps you do know something about what happened. After all, I'm certain you read the papers when the headlines screamed about the horrible scandal. A certain father was suddenly found guilty of embezzling money from his high-ranking company, his family railroaded despite all protests of innocence, until the despondent man committed suicide and his wife moved away to evade further media scrutiny.

It really is amazing what one can do with some connections and money nowadays, isn't it? Especially when one is driven by vengeance and the desire to protect one's precious only daughter from bad influences…

It was soon after that incident that I found myself increasingly handed over to my uncle's care. I was the secret shame of my parents, and until I was 'fixed', they wanted as little as possible to do with their wayward daughter.

My uncle is very kind for me. All I have to do is help keep the house clean and stocked with his favorite flavors of pudding – I do a lot of the shopping anymore, as it's about the only way I can keep the refrigerator stocked with anything else – and he takes very good care of me. Better than my now missing-in-action parents, in fact, though I wouldn't dare mention that to anybody.

It's just another secret I keep hidden from the world behind my smiling mask. Nobody expects the perfect, happy little girl to have any problems like the ones I deal with everyday.

It would almost be easier to just choose one of my admirers and be done with it. It's tempting, sometimes, to try and end the fights that way. Just pick a name, or a number: it would all amount to the same thing. Pick and choose, who cares, so long as they're a male so it's acceptable.

Eeny, meeny, miney, mo…

Rintaro? Such a wonderful bundle of energy. Sometimes it seems he's the only one of our little team that actually acts his own age, still the child we all are supposed to be. I know the others have labeled it immaturity, but really, since when did we all transform into adults? Let him continue to live the way I wish I could be: free to run and laugh and play and act on his feelings without fear of being repressed. The harsh realities of the adult world will come to crush his spirit all too soon, I fear.

Catch a tiger by the toe…

Koji? My own friend, rival and constant irritation to your own beloved childhood companion. One of the few friends that I've managed to keep over the years, especially in light of my parents discovering my orientation. He wants to expand on our relationship the way you want to develop your own, though the thought secretly terrifies me. If we did attempt to become closer, sooner or later, he would surely learn of my real feelings, and then what? Turn away in disgust? Shun me? Pity me for feeling this way? I couldn't take the pain of any of that…

If he hollers, let him go, eeny, meeny, miney, mo…

Ikki? A handsome, up-and-coming medafighter that seems destined for success no matter what fate throws his way. His determination is so charming, and so is his spirit. He's like the hero in so many tales that saves the day and gets the lovely princess despite all odds. I'm certain he believes that princess is supposed to be me, but I somehow doubt the storybook princess is supposed to have feelings this strong for another, one who doesn't play the part of the great hero.

My mother told me to choose the very best one, and you are not…

Not, not, not, not, not…

Not the one my parents would ever approve of, and yet the one I find my thoughts straying to time and again, the one I want more than anything else in the world to return my affections and love me despite all obstacles.

But I dare not breathe a word, for fear of what could happen. I know all too well the dangers of my position. A confession that resulted in the discovery that you did not feel the same about me would cost more than a broken heart.

I have seen how the media can and will blow a story completely out of proportion, with screaming headlines and outrageous exposes. I have witnessed reporters swarming like vultures, eager to pick any bleeding gashes they can discover and tear their victims apart with cutting words and condemnations. I know the sheer destructive force the 'next huge story' can have on those at its center, shattering lives and souls.

If I informed you of my feelings, and you chose not to return them, I know your next headline would shriek, "Perfect Little Karin in Love – With a GIRL!"

You would leap at the chance to destroy me, seeing it as glorious retribution for all the times I unwillingly shattered your dreams of a perfect future with your childhood friend, your crush, your beloved.

Even now, he shoves in front of his perceived rivals, offering me a token of his affection. I glance down at it – how quaint, a box of chocolates – then look back up. Smile. Blush faintly. Thank him while quietly accepting his offer, privately picturing another in his stead.

He beams with pride. His rivals protest loudly and scramble to secure gifts of their own, no doubt striving to outdo his. Off to the side, a yellow Hercules Beetle medabot rolls his bright green eyes and whispers a sarcastic comment to his companion, a sweatdropping Saber-tooth Tiger medabot who nods silent agreement. Another medabot, a Sailor Multi, winces visibly and turns sympathetic rose eyes to her medafighter, knowing her heart has just been dealt another terrible blow.

And a pair of deep, gorgeous chocolate brown eyes mist with tears of disbelief at another betrayal from a childhood friend and crush, before hardening into a fiery glare at the one responsible for her heartache.

Still the false smile remains, as natural an expression on my face as anything else. My own tears I must retain until reaching the safety and privacy of my room, where I can sob all I want over the deception I must practice and the dream I can never fulfil.

Just once, I'd like to kiss you, my dear, sweet crush…


	2. Mask of Annoyance

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The second mask is revealed: see first installment for disclaimers.

So, I assume everybody figured out the pairing for the previous installment. In case you couldn't tell, it was Karin angsting over everyone's favorite budding journalist, Erika. Speaking of Erika, it's her turn to take the spotlight for a time, as she muses over her own secret crush. Think you know who it is? Guess again… Remember, I said this was going to have different and more unusual pairings featured. This is a 'girl loves boy' pairing, though I doubt it will meet with much popularity…

~ * Mask of Annoyance * ~

The number one motto one has to keep in mind at all times when in my profession is to "Expect the Unexpected".

It's that phrase above all others – even "The Public has a Right to Know" and "A Reporter Acts as the Public's Eyes and Voice" – that has kept me going so long.

Time and again, my work and the never-ending pursuit of the next big story has led me to a variety of new places and experiences: from the steamy underworld that haunts the back alleys at night, to a huge competition with a shadowmaster pulling the strings on his puppets, to the heart of darkness and back again.

Time and again, I've overcome all obstacles and ended up on top, with amazing stories to tell for it. The risks and dangers I've always faced – even when they seemed insurmountable, like being cornered on a rooftop by the bad guys or the betrayal of a close friend – have never been able to stop me. No matter what perils fate has thrown me, I've always pulled through and gotten the best of the situation.

Still, there are some things that can put even a genius ace reporter destined for greatness flat on her back and stunned, wondering "Okay, now what the hell do I do?"

I suppose it's only fitting that one of those things still capable of knocking me for a loop would be my love life… such as it is.

Another cardinal rule in journalism is that one must never become too emotionally involved with whatever assignment you're working on. Oh, it's perfectly all right to show some sympathy for the victims, especially if you're reporting a great tragedy – the public loves to see tears, just as much as they love to see suffering and pain.

That last may sound cynical, but from my personal experiences I can honestly say I believe that to be true. As loud as the crowd cheers when they watch somebody fight with all their heart for a win, they cheer and scream all the louder in appreciation for the other's losing, vain struggle. Nothing's a bigger crowd pleaser than an upset, or a fall from grace.

Just another lesson life behind the lens has been teaching me. Too bad I learned it a bit too late to completely save myself from a lot of pain and suffering.

Detachment from the subject is very important, or it's likely your heart will be shattered sooner or later by your foolish emotional involvement. I broke that very important rule some time ago, while working on my biggest story, ironically enough, the one that is further establishing my career even now.

I… loved Ikki Tenryou.

It really wasn't fair when you think about it: I knew Ikki long before he ever found that rare medal and bought Metabee. We've been best friends since practically before grade school, meeting when we were much younger and sticking together for all this time. We've shared so much, built so many memories together.

Ikki was my first 'boyfriend', in that he was both a boy and my friend. He wasn't always running off to do things with the guys, which was good, since I didn't exactly have a ton of friends among the girls. I guess I've always been a bit of a tomboy, in that I liked getting down and dirty and maybe roughhousing a little lots more than I did sitting quietly and playing dolls or drinking nonexistent tea from plastic cups.

Ikki was my first kiss, back when we were both eight and growing a bit more confused about the opposite gender. It was just a quick secret experiment, a quick peck on the cheek on my part, but it was still the first time I'd ever dared kiss a guy other than my father.

I still remember hearing the now-familiar click of a shutter lens, and turning to see Brass crouching half-hidden behind a tree with a camera, giggling like mad. That was also the day we learned that despite having short legs, Brass can _run_ when given proper motivation. Having a pair of incensed, shrieking kids chasing after you with intent to kill or at least dismantle also does nicely for motivation.

Come to think of it, I never did find out where she hid the pictures… I kind of forgot about them after a few fruitless searches, when better and more interesting things turned up to distract me. Maybe I should look for those later…

So, anyway, how could anyone blame me for having a crush on the boy? Even if I had somehow known he would one day become one of the best medafighters around, and the hottest story _ever_ to pop up right under my nose, how could I have stopped those feelings from developing?

Ikki is everything a girl could want. He's funny, cute, strong-willed, compassionate, determined, and eager to see things through to the end no matter what…

And there's one more, completely vital thing to know about him: Ikki is completely oblivious to my feelings.

It's pathetic, really. I bet I could hang a huge, flashing sign around my neck that proclaimed, "ERIKA LOVES IKKI!" in fluorescent red letters and go about my normal routine of following him around all the time, and he still wouldn't notice. The only way it might catch his eye is if I hung the sign on a medabot he hadn't fought yet – and even then, he'd be more interested in another robattle to further improve his ranking than anything else.

Besides, he's already chosen somebody as the lucky recipient of his undying affection.

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Karin. Also referred to commonly in my thoughts as 'the red-dead-in-the-head', 'the fool', 'the naïve idiot', 'the over-sheltered rich girl'… The litany goes on and on, with those being some of the more polite nicknames she's acquired.

From the moment I first laid eyes on her – and saw how Ikki reacted to her – I knew I didn't stand a chance. Karin is every young man's dream girl: beautiful, caring, charming… and completely clueless. But then, looks have always been more treasured than brains when it comes to finding an ideal girlfriend.

After all, who cares if she got something missing up there so long as the packaging is perfect?

I spent so long trying to compete with her, trying to win Ikki's affections back – as if I really had them in the first place – all the while with part of me already knowing it was a lost cause. It didn't matter that Ikki was _my_ childhood friend, _my_ crush, _mine_ long before she ever waltzed into our lives…

Karin's too ignorant to recognize the concept of 'I was here first, so BACK OFF, sister!'

Her ignorance is the worst part of the whole thing. If she loved Ikki back just as much as I cared for him, that would be one thing. It would still be painful, but I could have moved on a lot easier knowing that they shared true, honest love.

Sadly, that's far from the case. Not only does Ikki have competition – mostly from his rival Koji, who does recognize the concept of 'I was here first, she's MINE', ironically enough – but Karin's never really shown signs of caring for him in the same way. She treats him just like she does all her other suitors – a pretty smile, a pat on the head, toss him a bone now and then…

Sit, Ikki, sit! Good boy…

It's infuriating. I've tried so many times to get him to see the truth – that she only sees him as a friend, nothing more – but he ignores me. Tells me it's none of my business. That I don't know anything about true love, and should just butt out.

Maybe you're right, Ikki. Maybe I don't really know much about true love.

But I do know enough to figure out that when somebody doesn't return your affections, then it's time to move on.

Oh, it took me long enough to finally decide it was time to break away from the vicious cycle. A lot of lonely nights crying into my pillow, pouring my heart out to Brass, and trying to convince myself it was best to find another.

Of course Ikki's still my friend. No matter what happens, he'll always be my childhood playmate, longtime friend, and biggest scoop.

But I shifted my attentions to another – one I thought for a time might actually be the special somebody I was searching for.

When word came to me of a stranger that breezed into town, getting mistaken for Ikki and causing a real scene, part of me wondered if that might actually be a bit of a sign. Maybe, just maybe, this newcomer might help me get over my broken heart, and give me someone else to focus on other than my main source of stories.

Reporting almost exclusively about Ikki's exploits was getting a little tiresome, anyway. Especially with the fact that so-called 'real' reporters were starting to muscle in on my territory now that he was number three in all Japan.

About the last thing I expected when I set out to find out more about this mysterious 'Ikki-impersonator' was a living ball of energy with the wildest hair and brightest, most open eyes I'd ever seen.

I'll freely admit the fact that I was a bit disappointed at first. I mean, here I'm secretly hoping for mister 'tall, dark and handsome' and what do I get? 'Small, bright and… okay, kinda cute…'

The thing is, for all my initial surprise, I ended up finding myself more and more interested in the kid. It soon dawned on me just why: he reminds me of everything I used to admire in Ikki when we were younger and growing up together.

Adventurous, optimistic, determined, strong-willed, cheerful, always there for you when you're in trouble, finding something new and wonderful in every new experience, no matter what…

But before I could even sort out my confused feelings and realize just what was happening, it happened again. Or, rather, _she_ happened again.

Damn her.

Damn her, damn her, _damn her!_

Just when I found somebody that might help me get out of this pit of despair I tumbled into when I lost Ikki, she comes by and shoves me right back in.

Why couldn't she be satisfied with what she has? The entire male population of her school fawning after her, plus my childhood friend and first crush, and now my second…?!

I hate her. I hate her so much.

I wish she would just die, just end up in the wrong place at the right time and get herself killed, and then all those boys who've fallen under her spell will snap out of it and start actually finding lives of their own again.

Maybe then, all the other girls might stand a chance.

Maybe then, Ikki would recognize what he's lost because of his chasing an untouchable dream.

Maybe then, I could try to move on with the help of my new crush, and find my own future beyond that of being a world-famous reporter.

Even though it's unprofessional to dream…


	3. Mask of Enthusiasm

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The third mask is revealed: see first installment for disclaimers.

One short warning: this features a shonen-ai pairing. If you don't like the idea of boys in love with other boys, this is your last chance to retreat.

~ * Mask of Enthusiasm * ~

Nobody realizes how terrible a job being the group optimist is.

It's real work, always running around and trying to keep everybody's spirits up even when things look their darkest. I can't show any signs of fear or doubt – if I do, I have to make certain to turn it into a joke. 'Ha ha, you didn't really think I was scared, right?'

If I'm even the least bit impressed by something, I make a huge deal out of it, going on and on about how cool that was to everybody in the general area. If I'm not impressed, it's basically the same deal, 'cept I won't go on for quite so long.

Not only that, I can't exactly hold still for long periods of time. No, living up to my 'little ball of energy' image means bouncing around constantly, keeping my body and mouth moving. Doesn't matter what it is, so long as it involving plenty of movement and mouthing off – the louder and more attention-grabbing, the better.

It does have certain advantages, though. For one thing, always tearing around keeps me in great shape, and I don't have to worry about any more exercise. Just acting like myself – or what I want people to think of as myself – is a hell of a better workout than anything Coach Mountain could ever come up with.

Um, not that I'd ever tell him that. Contrary to what many of my friends believe, I do not have a death wish.

Then there's the fact that others get used to me spouting nonsense after a time. Once it gets to the point where they stop paying attention to everything I say, it's easier to slip in a few things I really mean without it getting noticed and overanalyzed.

That's one thing about talking: the less you actually do, the more attention gets paid to what little you say. If you blab on constantly, then it doesn't matter if you let something slip you didn't mean to, 'cause it's likely nobody will have noticed.

Some people want everyone to know their opinions on everything, even if they don't share the popular views. Not me, though. Sometimes, going against the grain can get you in really deep…

Of course, my friends don't have any clue that's how I feel about things. I've played my role very well, so well they're completely unaware the amazing little human ball of energy has any modes other than 'hyper', 'sugar rush', and 'ballistic robattler'.

Guess I'm that good an actor.

Still, part of me wonders how they'd react if they ever learned the truth: that 'Mini-Ikki' isn't a complete optimist, that he has fears, doubts, confusion, and can be just as pessimistic and depressed as any of them. Not only that, but occasionally, he has even more reason to be depressed and a total downer.

Heh, they'd probably never be able to pick their jaws up off the floor.

Oh, sure, there are plenty of things I am honestly enthusiastic about. The most important thing among these is, naturally, robattling.

I mean, I couldn't live if everything about me was a total and complete lie. If that was the case, then what would be the point? Nobody can go on living everybody's dream but their own, at least for very long. It's too easy to burn yourself out that way.

I chose Kantaroth for my partner for a very specific reason; one that I bet wouldn't completely surprise my friends. Although, if they knew the entire story, it might take them a bit off guard.

It's very simple when you think about it. Kantaroth is a KBT-type medabot, a Hercules Beetle. Just like Metabee, Ikki's partner, thus earning me my reputation as an 'Ikki clone'.

But, more importantly, just like the partner of Hikaru Agata, my long-time hero – not to mention the subject of my very first crush.

Heh, I bet that would catch their attention if they knew about it. Which they don't – not yet, anyway.

It's stupid, when you think about it. Just because somebody happens to like people the same gender, it doesn't make them all that different. I'm not some horrible mutant creature or disgusting monster – although there are factions that I bet would beg to differ.

That's why I didn't come right out and let everybody know when I first met the others about my orientation. I didn't want to be labeled straight off as the 'short, gay bundle of energy'.

That's where Karin came into the picture. She's the perfect foil when you think about it: cute little redhead with tons of guys already after her, not to mention kind, sweet, and all those other things you associate with desirable girls.

Sugar, spice and everything nice… yummy.

I have to admit, she seems too good to be true, sometimes. If I did happen to swing that way, and knew she was available instead of a hot commodity, then, maybe…

But, that's beside the point. Karin may be a cute girl and a nice friend, but she'll never be considered a real girlfriend by this boy, at least.

I know that eventually, she'll settle for one of the other guys going after her – Koji, perhaps, or Ikki. Cute nicknames aside, I'm just another boy in the herd, so what are the chances she'll decide I'm the one that she wants?

Still, I guess that if I ever manage through some miracle to get her alone, I should explain the truth to her. It'll be difficult enough when I come out without having to deal with some heartbroken redhead learning the boy she loves could never love her back the way she deserves.

Why this deception in addition to the whole optimistic hyper-ness thing? I guess it's so that when I finally grow out of that mold of being the sidekick, it won't be such a total shock.

Besides, when I come out, the others will have the advantage of knowing me enough that it won't be so easy to brush me off as just a queer. I'll tell them the truth, and hopefully they'll realize that it changes nothing about the kid they've known for so long. It'll be just another detail I neglected to let them in on before, big deal.

I mean, it's not like I'd be saying, "Hey dudes, I've decided to become a Rubberobo! Cool, huh?" As if. Rubberobos are just stupid, and besides, those outfits are so confining… heh.

I suppose the biggest problem that could happen is, once Ikki and the others learn I happen to like guys, they'd end up asking themselves if it was at all possible I… you know, liked them that way. Like I spent all of my time checking them out and thinking, 'Oh yeah, dude, I have got to get me a piece of that!'

Not that Ikki doesn't have a pretty fine ass. But I'm not going to be telling him that anytime soon.

Okay, so I've had a few minor crushes since I arrived here. Ikki is cute, and I can see why Erika's so hung up on him, and Koji sees him as such a big rival for Karin's affection.

Then there's Henry, who wears that uniform very nicely. Actually, he reminds me a lot of Hikaru Agata… That's probably the whole reason right there. That, or I have a thing for taller boys with dark hair.

No way in hell I'd feel anything for Koji, though. That boy can be a total snob sometimes. "Oh, look at me, I'm more important than you 'cause I'm rich and can afford lots of cool parts for my medabot! Fear my huge wallet and girly screams when I see – A BUG! KYAAAAH!"

But even if Ikki, Henry, or Space Medafighter X (the original…drool) were options, I doubt I'd go for it. As tempting as it might be, I know my limits, and I know I'd never be able to handle the kind of relationships those would likely end up being.

Simply put, I couldn't handle being the more submissive member. I mean, Henry's much older than me, and Ikki and Space Medafighter X are higher ranked. They're used to being better, used to being higher than others.

I get enough of that being the sidekick and so-called 'Ikki clone', thank you very much. It's not that I'm bitter or anything, but like I mentioned before, you can only give so much up.

So maybe I'd like to be the dominant one in a relationship for once. It's very tiring living in the shadows of others, even if you do see those people as your friends. Honestly, I'm all right with playing the part of 'Mini-Ikki', the human sidekick to somebody who already has a perfectly good partner in Metabee.

But all the same… It would be nice to be the one in complete charge of something. What better aspect of my life to have control of than my love life?

It's not like it would be difficult. I've seen enough of him to know he's used to being dominated. I've seen how one of his closest friends orders him around like a slave, yells at him when he's done something she doesn't agree with, even slaps and abuses him when she's pissed off. Yet he sticks with her through it all, following at her heels like an eager-to-please puppy.

Actually, he's very much like a puppy: cute, loyal even when it's not to his benefit, trusting his 'master's' judgement despite any flaws…

Even when he gets kicked away and scolded, the poor thing just picks himself up, dusts off, and goes running back to her side, so desperate for affection he's blinded to how much better life could be if he just found somebody actually willing to care for him.

I still remember clearly the first time I ran into him, back when I had first arrived and was trying to find Ikki. I'd figured that the fastest way to get his attention was to go around robattling everyone, and sooner or later I'd either find him or he'd come looking for me.

God, he looked so vulnerable, just him and his medabot out training alone, with no signs of the gang I wouldn't learn he was part of until later. And when I made myself known to him, the way he panicked and clung to his partner for dear life, staring at the 'intruder' with such pure terror…

It took all my resolve to stick to my plan and give Kantaroth the go-ahead to defeat his medabot. I don't even want to discuss how long I've been kicking myself for that ever since.

I wish I'd given into my first impulse, damn the consequences: to try and hold him and calm him down, to let him know it was all right, I wasn't really a threat. That if he'd give me the chance, I'd do my best to shield him, to learn how to protect him from any real threats he might face.

Just wait and see: one day, I will find a way to do just that. I'll free my poor abused puppy from his cruel 'boss' and give him a loving new home, one where he'll never have to worry about being struck or hurt ever again…


	4. Mask of Ignorance

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The fourth mask is revealed: see first installment for disclaimers.

Once again, we've got a shonen-ai pairing featured in this installment. If you don't like it, then please don't bother reading it.

~ * Mask of Ignorance * ~

Please don't tell me how worthless and stupid I am; I already know.

Pretty much everybody I care for keeps telling me that, after all, so it must be true. How could everybody else be wrong, after all? The more you hear something, the easier it is to accept it as being right.

It's too hard to argue otherwise. Nobody ever wants to admit that they're wrong, so about the worst thing you can do if you want anybody to even pretend they like you is just go along with whatever they say.

And like I said, everybody keeps telling me the exact same thing. Strangers, acquaintances, friends… or what passes for my friends…

Even Cyandog… well, Krosserdog now… has let me know I'm a terrible medafighter. He could do so much better than me; I've known that ever since he defeated Metabee. It was all thanks to Dr. Aki's help… not mine… He even said as much.

It's my fault Cyandog ended up becoming Krosserdog, too. If it wasn't for me being such a lousy medafighter, he wouldn't have run away. If I hadn't given up so easily after finding out he didn't want me and bought that new DOG-type body, he would have given me a second chance and wouldn't have gone on that rampage. If I'd figured things out sooner, he wouldn't have had to fight Metabee and nearly get killed in the process.

If I wasn't such an idiot, I wouldn't have nearly lost my best friend.

It's something I'm reminded of every time I look at him in his new body. I could have taken it back afterwards and gotten another Cyandog body – I still have all those extra parts at home, carefully put away – but I chose not to.

It was because I was stupid that Cyandog 'died'. Krosserdog's my constant reminder of just what an idiot I can be.

I have to listen to others and do what they say is right, because I can't trust myself even with my own medabot.

Thing is, even though I want to always go along with what everybody else says is right, there are things I just can't change no matter how hard I try.

No matter what I try, I'm still a horrible medafighter. I'm just not good enough to be like Boss, or Sloan, or Ikki… Heck, I probably couldn't even beat Brass and Erika if I tried!

…Not that I will. It'd just be a waste of time.

Another thing is that I can't bring myself to like girls the way I'm supposed to. I've tried, but it's just as pointless as trying to be a better medafighter. Even with the cute, wonderful girls I have as my friends, I just can't bring myself to see any of them the way I should.

First and foremost, of course, is Boss… or Samantha or Sam, what have you. Just don't call her Pretty Sammy if you value your life. Boss has it all: power, beauty and skill. She has everything it takes to go all the way to the top: even though she's not in the top three yet, she's been steadily climbing in the rankings. Koji and Ikki are going to be very surprised when she finally busts in and takes her rightful spot at the top.

Not only is she strong, she's an absolute knockout – both figuratively and literally. I don't know why she tries to mask so much of her natural… _Ahem_… talents behind that loose black top and jean jacket she's so fond of. If she showed a bit more skin now and then, maybe let down her long silky hair, I'm certain guys wouldn't be so quick to dismiss her in favor of someone like Karin, the eternal 'perfect dream girl'.

Did I mention that Boss also scares the crap out of me?

Then there's Karin, miss 'Legendary Medafighter' herself – but only because nobody could bring themselves to fight such a fragile doll. She's the perennial untouchable one, the girl all guys are supposed to fantasize about and yearn for. Yeah, she's pretty – even somebody as 'stupid' as me could see that – but she's also about as sheltered and naïve as they come… At least she acts that way. Having seen her robattling with Neutranurse, however, I can't help but wonder how much of that innocence is an act – for somebody so trusting and compassionate, she sure is one heck of a medafighter. Better than me, though I guess that goes without saying.

She scares the crap out of me, too.

And how could anybody forget about Erika, our resident junior reporter and the girl most likely to stick her nose where it doesn't belong? She has her sweet moments, and is pretty cute too, though most of the time you couldn't tell thanks to the camera blocking her face. Just like Boss or Karin, she gets what she wants: it's just that she uses wit and cleverness to get it instead of strength or charm.

I probably don't even have to mention just how much she terrifies me.

For some reason, I've never been able to look at them the way I know a normal young man my age should. I've tried to pretend of course, to follow all the trends and act like I'm into the latest cute girl sensation, but… I just can't get myself to feel the way I know is supposed to be right.

The only one I've ever been able to feel things like that for is… somebody I know I can't have. Not just because so many people say it's wrong but… because he's way out of my league.

I should know. After all, he's only told me so himself so many times.

Of course, it wasn't exactly in those words… but it all amounts to the same thing.

He's everything I wish I could be: high-ranked, respected, handsome, with a winning smile that just makes me melt inside whenever I see it… though it's never been because of me. No, he absolutely hates me, hates everything about me.

That's what he's told me time and again, and how could I blame him? After all, I'm nothing compared to him.

When the Phantom Renegade told me I had to be Space Medafighter X in place of him, even though I was horrified, a part of me was also thrilled. I fought my fear, because I was finally getting the chance to impress him.

I'd be fighting right alongside him! If I could somehow help pull though and bring in the win, maybe I'd be able to work up the courage to tell him how I felt! If we managed to win, he'd have to know I wasn't so worthless, right…?

Who was I trying to kid?

He noticed me, all right… noticed just how worthless I was in a robattle. When we were training, and Krosserdog accidentally shot his medabot… I nearly died right there. It didn't help when he immediately started screaming at me, telling me again right in front of everybody how stupid and useless I was, and that we'd lose all because of me…

That wasn't the worst, though. The worst came during the match itself.

Why did I ever have to walk into that ring? Why couldn't I have gotten Boss or Sloan or anyone else to take my place?

The battle wasn't going well, and I panicked: I wanted so badly to help out… But when I tried to get Krosserdog to attack, guess what happened? I ended up hurting them again.

Then he glared at me again, let me know again how stupid and useless and worthless I was, and that I was the weakest link, and that we'd lose just because he was unfortunate enough to have me as a partner…

I hadn't thought things could get worse, but they did. He ended up getting into trouble – big trouble – and his medabot was about to get finished off by all three of the other team's medabots.

Again, I panicked, and I yelled at Krosserdog to do something.

I couldn't believe it when it actually paid off. Somehow, Krosserdog managed to pull though. He… sacrificed himself to save my crush's medabot, nearly sent himself offline just to help out because I said so.

It was all my fault that my own medabot got hurt, again. If I hadn't been so stupid…

Afterwards, when Metabee pulled through for the win, I wanted to talk to my crush, but the words just wouldn't come. Not that it mattered, though. He didn't even want to look at me, much less talk.

He never really bothered to make an honest apology for what he said, either. Why should he? He was right all along…

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm always just the stupid one, the idiot, the one who can't do anything right.

So why do I even torture myself hoping that I might actually see those violet eyes twinkling happily at me someday? Why do I want to believe that he'll ever see me as a reason to smile?

What in the world would the number two ranked medafighter in all Japan ever want with the lowest ranked medafighter in all Japan…?


	5. Mask of Arrogance

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The fifth mask is revealed: see first installment for disclaimers.

~ * Mask of Arrogance * ~

I will settle for no less than perfection.

I keep telling myself that time and again, along with my definition of perfection. I've had all the particulars worked out for a long time, laid out nice and neat like so many other factors of my life. I've always had this long mental checklist of all the qualifications my ideal mate should meet.

First off, they should be female. That practically goes without saying, though I have gotten offers from… boys of that persuasion… in my school. I suppose I should be flattered, though the thought absolutely disgusts me.

Do I look like I'd be interested in something like that?!

Second, she should be absolutely radiant, with no flaws in her appearance whatsoever. After all, if she's going to become my constant companion, it will only work in her favor to look just as good as me.

I would so hate to completely overshadow my beloved with my physical beauty, after all.

Naturally, her personality is just as important. She has to accept my judgement in all matters as the final word, recognizing my decisions as law. I can't have her coming into my life and messing everything up with her own silly mistakes and errors in judgement.

It's best if she's very passive in nature, not confrontational at all. The fewer chances we have to get into arguments, the better – it would be such an annoyance being forced to show her she's wrong repeatedly.

She should be delicate and sweet, even a bit fragile at times – in need of my protection, so that she knows she can always flee to the shelter offered by my arms in her times of need, no matter how big or small the threat.

She should be willing to do anything I wish of her, immediately and without question. The faster she can get these tasks done, the better.

If she's very quiet and doesn't talk a great deal, so much the better – again, it helps to avoid arguments whenever possible. Big, vocal confrontations are definitely never a good thing.

Those are only some of the biggest, most important points of the mental index I've been keeping tabs on and developing for years. A nice list to be certain, with plenty of good points I've always felt were important to seek in a potential girlfriend and possible bride.

So you can imagine how it feels to find myself looking at somebody who meets very few of those requirements and still falling hard despite everything.

Oh, to be certain, it wasn't something that happened instantly, or a process I realized was taking place until it was too late. I still wonder if it couldn't have been prevented, if there was some way I could have recognized the course I was taking and corrected myself before it got this far.

Yet now, part of me doesn't want to correct it so that things go back to the way I thought they were. Part of me wants to fix it so that I could continue down this road without fear that past actions would prove my downfall.

For so long, I believed my sights were set on the perfect choice, the correct choice, the only real choice that could fit into my standards.

I'm referring, naturally, to my childhood companion Karin. She was supposed to be my ideal lover, the perfect girlfriend and bride material.

She matched up with so many of the points: a beautiful young woman with flawless pearl skin and silky hair the color of the dawn sky, peaceful-natured with a dislike for arguing and desire to see everybody around her in a wonderful mood.

All right, so she could be incredibly annoying at times with her naiveté and overly compassionate nature toward even total strangers and commoners. But I figured that with time and patience I could teach her the proper manner in which she should act.

Besides, she was simply too pretty to give up on, too close a match to my ideal to not warrant at least some effort toward helping her become absolutely perfect.

I always assumed she'd be mine. I tried to tolerate it when others appeared and tried to stake their claims on her, knowing mine trumped all of their lowly attempts.

Really, who were they trying to kid? Karin was mine, would always be mine, and with a little work, would be the perfect girlfriend, the most ideal wife for somebody of my fame and stature.

But a certain annoying commoner appeared and apparently decided his desires were more important than my plans. The little upstart quickly turned into a serious pest, always getting into my hair, disrupting my attempts to teach Karin how to discard her more annoying habits and generally making a nuisance of himself.

Even worse, he ended up helping to introduce somebody into my life that I never would have met otherwise. Somebody who then proceeded to completely shake my beliefs and make me question how much my checklist really mattered to me.

What an absolute pain in the ass – to use an expression widely known by commoners like them.

Commoners. It was thanks to Ikki that I started having more and more contact with people who weren't of the high class, who didn't attend private schools and have money to burn and could throw lavish parties in their mansions.

It was because of him that I met people who believed the best use of their time was to roam around in gangs and 'hang out' with each other instead of fine-tuning their talents and becoming the absolute best in whatever it is they happened to be skilled at.

If it weren't for Ikki, I never would have met the girl who would prove to be such a complete opposite of my ideal – and turn everything I believed in upside-down.

She wasn't breathtakingly beautiful – at least, not so much as to tear my attention away from Karin the instant she walked into my life and make me see her as the new standard of perfection.

In fact, I even saw fit to insult her looks several times, comparing her to various beasts and unattractive creatures.

She was violent and temperamental, extremely confrontational, appearing to even love getting into fights – especially when she won. And she always worked to win, even when it was clear she was dead wrong about something – needed to prove she was right despite of the truth of the matter.

She wasn't fragile or delicate, and could stand on her own two feet – but still had a small support network to fall back on in a crisis, though she hardly called it that. She didn't need a pillar of strength to carry her through – more a couple of braces behind her as reassurance, and to help get up should she stumble.

She wasn't a follower willing to do anything for her beloved – more a leader used to giving the orders and seeing results.

She wasn't quiet and withdrawn, but extremely vocal and opinionated.

She was nothing like what I'd imagined as my ideal girlfriend.

And she decided I somehow fit her concept of an ideal boyfriend.

I'm still not entirely certain how that happened. I hardly pictured myself as her type at that time: complete opposite, definitely, unreachable ideal, possibly, but somebody she could actually have? Not hardly. And yet, that was exactly how she appeared to approach the whole situation: like I was not only within her reach, but somebody she was going to have as her own, no matter what.

I did not appreciate her assumption.

Certain errors made on my part only aggravated the situation. Incidents where I thought I was striving toward cementing my ideal relationship with my dear Karin, only to discover too late something had gone horribly wrong. These mishaps always seemed to further benefit her whenever they occurred, further support her misguided belief that I was somehow meant to be her lover.

Maybe I should have paid more attention to those incidents, and how I started to feel when they occurred.

It was somewhat subtle at first, and whenever I noticed it, I immediately covered it up with a vocal denial and attempt to escape the uncomfortable situation. The last thing I wanted to do was entertain the notion that I could feel anything more than revulsion for a commoner… for somebody who was proving such a complete reversal of my much-vaunted ideals for a girlfriend.  


If she touched me, I'd recoil, though the oddly electric feelings coursing through my skin wherever she made contact with my body was not exactly unpleasant.

If she cooed some sly comment, I'd scream, trying to drown out whatever thoughts her comments sent racing through my mind, because I wasn't certain I found what she proposed completely unpleasant.

If she turned those eyes on me and smiled…

Her eyes… are so unlike anyone else's that I've ever seen. Everybody else has such dark eyes, the colors all but vanishing into murky pools of shadow. Even Karin, whose eyes are normally a deep jade, sometimes seems to have a sudden shadow pass over her pretty, perfect face from time to time.

__

Hers are the only exception. _Her_ eyes are always intense with color, an attention-grabbing shade of aqua green that pulls you in and traps you in their depths, never letting go once they've taken hold of you.

But I still did everything I could to resist them, and because of that now find myself faced with this rather unusual and certainly frustrating dilemma.

I fought tooth and nail against the notion that I might possibly become attracted to a commoner, a girl like her that was so different from what I had pictured as my perfect girlfriend.

Eventually, however, I came to recognize the truth: somewhere along the line, I had already fallen for her. Very badly, in fact.

But having spent so long acting as if I could never feel anything for somebody like her, I now realize that it will prove extremely difficult, if not impossible, to turn around and make an honest attempt at romance.

I've been having difficulty for some time now acting as if my heart and soul were still set on the conquest of Karin. To give that up now would not only be admitting defeat – that I may have wasted all these years pursuing her – but let commoners like Ikki and Rintaro move in on my childhood friend.

Even if she isn't my future intended, I can't help but shudder at the thought of her betrothed to one of those Hercules Beetle-loving losers.

Not only that, but I've spent so long acting revolted at my newly realized crush's every advance, how would it be received if I stopped pretending? Would it be seen as a honest attempt to start a real relationship – or just some cruel mockery intended to break her heart? How could I convince her or anybody of my sincerity?

Worse yet, will she have decided to move on, thinking I was forever out of her reach, and shift her affections to another, less worthy recipient?

For once, I have no idea how to approach the situation. I can only hope my hesitation to accept her advances hasn't cost me everything in the long run – that I can still convince her that yes, I have finally decided to make her my 'Robattle Princess'…


	6. Mask of Hostility

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The sixth mask is revealed: see first installment for disclaimers.

Ugh… This was more difficult than I would have hoped. Bear in mind that this series is following a plan I plotted out months ago when I first conceived this concept. I've already got the sequel in the works, but first I have to finish the last few installments of this arc.

~ * Mask of Hostility * ~

I've always had a problem with stupid crushes.

You wouldn't think such a thing would be a problem with somebody like me, noooo. I mean, just look at me! Brains, beauty and brawn all wrapped up in one sweet little package! It's a practical three for one deal!

Okay, so I do have a few VERY minor flaws. But hey, it's impossible for anyone to be totally perfect.

Some lucky people like myself just happen to come really, really close to it.

To hear others tell it, however, there is another absolutely perfect person in this world. Karin, the Perfect Pigtailed Pretty Princess. Skin as pale as porcelain, eyes like sparkling jade, long tresses of silky hair…

PLEASE! What does she have that I don't have?!

Seriously, nothing.

I mean, my skin happens to be just about the exact same shade as hers, and let me tell you, it's near impossible to get a decent tan. But I guess they don't register it as porcelain just because I've made a point not to act so delicate and fragile.

My eyes are sparkling jewels, just turquoise instead of jade. But I guess that just because I don't go around getting starry-eyed over the simplest things they don't seem to shine as brightly.

My hair may be a deep chestnut instead of bright orange, but it's nearly as long, and certainly prettier. But I guess since I keep it tied back instead of letting it flounce around in a pair of bouncy pigtails others don't notice its luster.

You know what? Sometimes I wonder how different it would be if just once I indulged myself in all the things girls like Karin do. Trade my comfortable clothes for a pretty, form-fitting dress that would show off all my physical talents, let my hair down, and go strutting down the street and count how many heads turned.

Imagine me in a big, fancy dress decked out in the latest hot new style for rising robattle queens!

I've looked at plenty of fashion magazines. I've wondered how it would feel to be, say, a princess. I've dreamed all the typical fantasies you would expect a girl my age to have. I've wished to know what it feels like to have a prince or knight come up and whisk me away, offer me all the things I could ever desire: finery, sweets, romance, protection…

…Protection? Are you kidding me? If anything, he'd be the one needing protection if he insisted I needed some sort of help to get by!

Yeah, I wouldn't mind being a princess. But only if I also got to wield a kick-ass sword and slay my own dragons, find my own fame and fortune.

…Maybe I wouldn't mind a little help. Especially if the one offering it… would be willing to stay around forever.

You know, I've been told I get my stunning looks from my mother. This flawless skin, these alluring eyes, this perfect auburn silk hair? All come from my mother, or so I've heard…

I wouldn't know mainly because I don't exactly see my mother a whole lot anymore.

She's very successful, actually. Always running off on some new business trip, jetting to some far-off land to negotiate another savvy deal, always on the cutting edge and wielding the sharpest blade, so to speak.

Like mother, like daughter… Runs in the family, I guess.

Yuri's the one that tells me the most about how similar we are. Yuri's our maid… Housekeeper, really. I refuse to think of her as my nanny, even if she is the one who devotes time to actually raising me.

Mother does that by proxy anymore. The most communication I have with her is documented: faxes, letters, notes, e-mails and the like. Sometimes it seems like the only time I even hear her voice is when she calls – which is rare, anymore. Her cell phone is usually reserved for clients.

Her career comes first. Keeping in contact with her child is second.

I can't stay mad at her forever over it, though. I understand why things have to be this way. Mother's work is a necessary evil to keep our lives going, keep the money flowing in, keep everything on track after that incident derailed us.

Having somebody that was supposed to be a part of your life forever just up and leave one day does that, you know.

I really don't remember too much about him. Can't decide whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. Hopefully good, since I don't see much chance of finding out anything about him in this house.

There aren't any pictures of him left, not a single one on the mantles or the desks or in any of the scrapbooks. It's an issue I know better than to raise with either Yuri or mother the few times I talk to her: all I get are tightened lips and deadly silence.

The absence that lingers most in the house, ironically enough, isn't that of the stranger that should have shared this roof, helped make this a home. It's that of my mother, almost always off on one trip or another.

It's that crime for which I find I can't forgive that mysterious man I never got to know: I might as well have lost both my parents. It certainly feels that way.

That's why I made a promise to myself: I'm not going to have any kids. Not until I can ensure they'll never have to come home to an empty house like I have, or wonder where their absent parents could be now.

My ideal guy, then… Somebody who would be there for them, and me, always. Somebody that I could come home to, and know he'd be there waiting for me, and wouldn't ever abandon me.

Not that I need support. Just… loyalty.

I guess there are plenty of wannabe physiatrists that would call the little gang I've formed an extension of that desire or something. I mean, a couple of guys that know better than to abandon me, that always stand by my side and back me up in their own small ways? Sounds a bit familiar, right?

Eh, whatever. I don't care about what people might say about that. I mean, there's a few things amiss with that little argument.

Spyke's gay, for one thing.

Heh, I bet the poor kid would just about die if he knew I'd figured out his 'darkest secret'. Not that it's exactly hard to figure out, or something I care about. For crying out loud, he made it pretty damn clear he had a crush on Koji during his stint as Space Medafighter X.

But if I really gave a shit about whether he liked boys or girls more, I would have kicked him out of the Screws a long time ago and never taken him back. The fact that he's literally the worst medafighter in Japan would make the perfect cover excuse.

But the fact he's a cruddy medafighter doesn't hide the fact he seriously needs friends. Hence my habit of kicking him out, only to take him back in a few days later. Annoys me too, actually, but I keep hoping that one day, he'll be able to bounce back on his own and learn to stand on his own two feet.

If his 'darkest secret' ever became public knowledge, I'm afraid that's one trait he's seriously need to survive. I may not care, but that sadly doesn't mean there aren't any bigots out there who would. I can't protect him forever…

You know, it's kind of weird, but… The fact that Spyke likes Koji… Well, it means that at least two of the Screws have had crushes on that rich snob. Don't know about Sloan, yet… Wouldn't that be hilarious?

Yeah, Koji Karakuchi happens to be one of my old stupid crushes. Chalk it up to stupid hormones, along with the fact he happens to closely resemble another long-time crush of mine… Main difference being, even I can't hope to charm him, considering the age difference and all.

Koji, though… Koji is much more attainable. Or, at least, I thought he was…

The little incidents that occurred now and then, like at the Rosewood Costume Party, spurred me onward. I thought I was making progress with him… I guess I was kidding myself. I mean, seriously, Koji's a prissy little prick who seems to think he's God's gift to women.

If that's supposed to be the case, I hope He kept the receipt.

Though it would make sense if it happened to be a big cosmic joke or something. I mean, it would certainly explain the dismal luck I've had with my other crushes?

Need a sample? Okay, how about Nathan? Cutest and kindest soccer player on the Riverview Junior High team, with a rather interesting resemblance to a cute guy on an anime I used to watch now and then… Though, Nathan doesn't have an odd taste in hats… In fact, I don't remember ever seeing him wearing one.

Oh, Nathan turned out to be a total bust in the romance department. How was I supposed to know I'd beaten him in robattle years ago and ended up scarring him emotionally? I don't keep track of every loser I fight! That was just dumb luck. At least I managed to fix the problem without even having to make Peppercat throw the match, though I never got Nathan as a boyfriend.

Even that mess, however, paled in comparison to the one it led to. Nathan had a hot older brother – or, at least, that's what everyone thought at first. Again, the 'hot older brother of a cute guy' thing reminded me of that anime, but the name escapes me…

That went even worse. I still can't fully believe what I eventually found out about Brandon. I'll just say this: some men really ARE from Mars…

You would think I'd learn from all this, right? Stop falling for guys that turn out to be nothing but trouble and all…

Wrong. I seriously think all guys are trouble, and that's that.

First, there's my annoying little on-again, off-again crush on this older guy I know. I keep fighting that, though, because I know there's no chance of it working out. Okay, so he holds a steady job, is kind and caring, and has spent time helping me and my friends get back on our feet now and then… It doesn't erase that age gap thing, much as I wish it could. If we were both older, it might not be such a problem, but…

Even he's preferable to the guy I've been finding myself drawn to now, though.

It couldn't work out. We're both medafighters fighting to make a name for ourselves, competing for the same top spots. When I fight my way up there where I belong, the last thing I need is a crush on one of my fiercest rivals distracting me.

It can't work out. He's got two other girls already, one he likes and one who likes him. I'm just the arrogant tomboy, the one he tends to forget all about. Hell, when we were rescuing Metabee, I fought alongside him, and yet when those two arrived on the scene afterward, they were the ones he showed concern for!

It won't work out. I'm not the type of girl he looks for or wants. I could never be happy standing on the sidelines just cheering him on, just as he wouldn't be happy being reduced to the same position for me. I don't think either of us could stand being the lesser partner in what is supposed to be an equal partnership.

I want it to work out. Damn.


End file.
